he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
