i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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