I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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