Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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