you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Floor bacon is actually really good
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
