It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
