I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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