As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
