Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
