So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize