I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
