i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
