Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
