You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
