just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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