Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
