i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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