happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
