At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am available for nakedness
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
