"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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