I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
