I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize