and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
