And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
