my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
