Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
