I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
