dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
