if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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