I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
