I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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