I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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