who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
