one two three fourrrrnication!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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