so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
