just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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