Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
