I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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