So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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