But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
