So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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