i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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