Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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