If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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