Me too!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
