I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
