i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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