Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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