I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
