he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
