So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
