my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
