That's intense
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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