Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
