i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
