Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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