Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
