Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
