I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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