all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
