Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
