Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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