Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Alive.
So much puke
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
