so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
