I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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