i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
