so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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