Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
