I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
