I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
