How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He has the fingertips of a God
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
