My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
