But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
