I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mom said you looked used
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
