don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
